i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
