dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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