in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
