T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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