I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
