her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
