i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
