I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
tell me about the eggs
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
