i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it was like eating out sand paper
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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