I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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