so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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