i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
