you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
