Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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