Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I need moral support for this bender
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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