East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
