Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
