You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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