I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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