ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
