i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
