he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
