had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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