I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
