I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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