Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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