My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
