I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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