Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
