You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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