The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
