We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
