He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
