I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
