dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
