I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
