The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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