it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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