Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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