I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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