your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
