Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
