i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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