Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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