You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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