You just made me feel so damn special
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
