Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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