she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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