im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
