I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My vagina just recognized that song.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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