i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
