Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
