I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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