We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We have so much sex to catch up on
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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