first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
